I would like to share my experience, feeling and thoughts about having a baby. Hope somehow it could be useful for all of you...
The first thing that came to mind when I got married was that I had to have a baby as soon as possible. Why? Coz some of my friends had not had one even after they got married for years. Then, in the second month of my marriage, my husband and I were granted a great news…I got pregnant!
So, for nine months I carried the future baby in happiness. Ok, vomiting, pain on my back, headache, etc were also part of the pregnancy but I went through all in enjoyment.
The D-day, June 21, 2004. I gave birth to my baby with my husband on my side. It was so beautiful. I don’t mind experiencing that again (3 years from now hopefully).
The first three months were not so hard. The baby was still a tiny creature who did nothing but sleeping and milk drinking.
The second three months (now) is funnier but…the baby does more than just sleeping and drinking. She eats now, she plays now, even she can have a bad mood. We are so excited to experience all her new developments.
This period is where we realize how responsible and patient we must be. We are responsible for her well-being and we also are required to be patient in the process of fulfilling all the baby needs.
Last night was the moment when I was afraid that I had used all my patience and had nothing left. I was so tired, had headache, and needed sleep much (result of waking up early to prepare sahur). But the baby was the contrary. She refused to sleep, she refused to play, she just wanted to stay awake and had company, and seemed like needing to go outside or around the house. It was 11 PM. Luckily my husband understood and replaced me (although he had works to finish, thank you, hubby!). My baby fell asleep on the stroller while my husband took her around the house (my tiny house).
And you know how I felt? Sad! I wish I were the one to comfort her last night. Isn’t it a silly feeling? I should have been pleased that she finally could sleep and I didn’t have to be awake too long for her. But no! The feeling was not that simple. I need her to need me but I have limitations. I want to act responsibly but again, I have limitations. I want to be patient but still I have limitations.
And now here I am, looking at her picture right beside the monitor (if not covered by the multiply window, I can see her smiling so dearly on the desktop). I wish I had more time with her. I wish I had more energy.
One thing for sure, I love her so much that I would die for her happiness. Hope no limitations stop me from doing that.
(See the pic? She sleeps like an angel, doesn’t she? Of course, beuty is important, pinky ribbon needs to stay for the sake of photo session)
